Why does a guy like me start blogging? A quick Pick 7…

1) Class Clown Syndrome. I think many, if not most bloggers fall into this category. We’re the guys ‘n gals who wouldn’t shut up in class as kids. The only talents required for a successful Class Clown are the teensiest amount of wit and timing, and no fear of having a chalkboard eraser thrown at your head. Class Clown Syndrome doesn’t go away when you’re done with school (or, more accurately, when school is done with you), however. As an adult, the fascination with making people laugh only got stronger for me. With no outlet for it other than getting in trouble at work, blogging for giggles is a decent substitute.

2) Chicks. The Class Clown never gets the girl. We get invited to parties, but are typically not the aesthetic type that a woman surrenders to with little effort. So unless we want to die alone, we’ve gotta be at the top of our game at all times. Everyone knows that when a woman lists “a sense of humor” at the top of her turn-ons list, she’s completely full of shit. For most women, the top of that list is “Brad Pitt’s ass,” but that doesn’t make them seem more evolved than men, and we can’t have that, can we? A sense of humor does help, however, or else I would have written The 30-Year-Old Virgin and made millions of dollars instead of writing this sorry crap for free. So us Class Clowns need to stay sharp and keep a woman laughing long enough that she forgets that we’re kinda funny looking.

3) High Hopes. Yeah, I think I a lot of bloggers dream of the day that some big publisher will drop in an throw money at us. It’s not a motivator for me, but if anyone does eventually wanna throw some money at me, I’ll certainly let them, and wash their car, and babysit their kids, and bail them out of prison when the cops find a dead hooker in their trunk.

4) Reaching an Appropriate Audience. In the life of a blog, a ton of people will stop by and check you out, but the people that stick around are the ones that really understand and appreciate what you have to say. For a Class Clown, this is heaven. We’re often stuck in rooms with people who just don’t get the joke, but with a blog audience you’ve got a bunch of people who not only get the joke, but are waiting for the next one. This site’s been up a year, so far many thousands of people have come by, and the ones that keep coming back are My People. They probably think I’m goofy and immature (and they’re right), but they get me. I dig that.

5) Time Travel. When a joke falls flat in real life, whether it was good or not, there’s that sinking feeling akin to getting shot down for a date. When a joke misses on a blog, I can go back and edit it out or, better yet, replace it with a picture of a drunk dog. Drunk dogs are always funny.

6) Save Time and Lose Weight for only $19.95! I have two jobs and work all kinds of crazy hours. The time I now spend writing is the time I used to spend on drinking large amounts of beer with the kind of friends that’ll leave you passed out in a parking lot with your head shaved and a sign stuck to your back that reads, “Will Lick Stuff for Money.” (I don’t like to talk about it.) So now I’m in much better shape, have more time on my hands, and my parole officer couldn’t be happier.

7) No One Judges Me. The JagPot is the only place I can say “dead hooker” without someone calling the cops.