Now that January is over, I wanted to follow up on a post I did a couple weeks back on search engine keyphrases. To explain it again, the keyphrase list shows what people were searching for when they found The JagPot. I posted a partial list back on the 17th, and I wanted to follow up with the full list for the month.

The full list is pretty big, so you can see a copy of it here. There are plenty of funny, freaky, and just plain odd searches on the list, but I’ll only focus on a few…

dogs mating stuck together — If your frisky dog is stuck to another dog, you really shouldn’t take the time to look for possible solutions on the Internet. You need to immediately call someone with clinical expertise on dog sex, like your veterinarian, R. Kelly, or my brother.

naked pictures of my friends — I’m not gonna ask why you want nudie pics of your friends (do you think they’re having naked picture-taking parties and not inviting you?), but I am curious as to why you think I have some. (I do, they’re hot, and they seem really happy that you’re not naked with them).

how well do you know your mate questionnaire

1. Does he smoke crack?
2. Has he ever had a questionable relationship with a frozen turkey?
3. When you ask about his parents, does he say “They’re dead!” with a hearty laugh and a creepy smile?
4. Does he own Star Trek boxed sets in multiple formats?
5. Has he ever uttered the phrase “You go, girl”?
6. Does he come home from monster truck rallies with his boxer shorts in his pocket?
7. Does he have less than twelve teeth?
8. Does he pay for contraceptives or pornography with a Mobil credit card?
9. Have you ever heard him cheer “Go, Hitler!” while watching the History Channel?
10. Does he raise his voice when speaking to a blind person?

Scoring: Subtract 1,000 points for each “Yes” answer. When you’ve calculated the total score, beat your head against the wall one time for each point below zero, then call the police immediately.

please help get rid of the vietnamese who get inside a woman head — Someone please explain this to me. Are there Vietnamese people controlling the minds of females? Are there really tiny Vietnamese people who live inside the heads of women? If either of these things are true, I wanna know how to get rid of them, too.

why do penguins waddle — Because they have very short legs and therefore cannot ride bicycles or drive Audis.

how to pay someone back after puking — One way would be to offer them a lukewarm bowl of your grandmother’s famous Corn Stew. Don’t just hand them a spoon and direct them to the toilet, cuz they might catch on.

pregnant avoid velveeta — I’m not sure if you’ve ever actually tried Velveeta. You should pretty much avoid it whether you’re pregnant or not, unless you’re using it to caulk your bathtub.

woman with broken shoulder humor — A woman walks into a bar. Walks into it so hard that she breaks her shoulder. Ha Ha!

i got hit in testicles is there damage — If you can’t tell, then probably not. A telltale sign would be that you’re lying on the floor in so much pain that looking stupid shit up on Google is the furthest thing from your mind. Another would be swelling so bad that your pants no longer fit.

That’s all, folks. Here’s hoping that February sees The JagPot getting hits from searches for “astonishingly clever” and “how to get rid of the vietnamese who get inside a handsome blogger’s head.”

Tags: keywords, search engines, search results