Pay very close attention, folks.

The picture below is why we’re going to lose the war.

It’s why, within the next 30 years, we’ll no longer be considered among the most powerful nations in the world.

This is the reason we are absolutely doomed.

This, my friends, is Fried Coca-Cola.

That’s right. This country is headed to Hell in an ice cream truck, and all we’re doing is trying to eat all the yummies before they melt.

…a batter mix made with Coca-Cola syrup, a drizzle of strawberry syrup, and some strawberries. Balls of the batter are then deep-fried, ending up like ping-pong ball sized doughnuts which are then served in a cup, topped with Coca-Cola syrup, whipped cream, cinnamon sugar and a cherry on the top.

At the Texas State Fair, the guy who came up with the recipe, Abel Gonzales, says he sold 35,000 of these things for $4.50 a pop, grossing over $150,000 in 24 days. This guy is a fucking genius, because he knows that Americans will eat anything with a cherry on top, especially if it’s deep fried and served in a plastic cup. While the rest of the civilized world marvels at gourmet cuisine, Americans do their fine dining at the local drive thru with a 1-pound burrito, a side of nachos, and 44 ounces of whatever soda’s on tap.

Freedom comes at a price, and ours comes Super Sized with a plastic toy for $3.89.

We’re eating our way to oblivion, which might not be so bad if we weren’t also getting dumber and lazier every day. When I was a kid, my friends and I used to laugh at the farcical lifestyle of Al Bundy. Today, we’re all Al Bundy, and it’s not quite as funny.

Well, I’m sure it’s funny to the rest of the world, who must love watching a nation full of strutting egotists gradually destroying themselves in glorious fashion. Of course, we don’t get the joke because we’re stupid. And even if we did, we’d just do what we do… Blame someone else for our shortcomings, invent another bullshit diet (”Lose 20 pounds in a week on the Fried Coke Diet!”), and make sure we’ve got the TiVo set up to record The Biggest Loser so we don’t miss watching other people lose weight.

And personally, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I find entropy fascinating.

(Don’t worry. You don’t have to put the burrito down to go plug “entropy” into dictionary.com. Just click here.)

My point is we’re all going to die, and most of us a lot sooner than we think.

Please pass the salt.

Tags: coke, fried coke, entropy, downfall