I’ll say it again: There are too many people, and all the wrong people are having kids.

Our new reigning JagAss is Shannon Cook, a mother of three from Wheaton, IL. Ms. Cook just received a 30-day prison sentence for child endangerment because she left her children home alone to go to a taping of The Jerry Springer Show with her boyfriend.

First let’s quantify the crime. All of Shannon Cook’s children are under the age of four. Wheaton is about 30 miles east of Chicago, where the Springer show tapes. In mid-day traffic, it would take someone about an hour to get there. According to Jerry Springer’s ticket hotline, someone with tickets should be on the lot at about 2pm. Ms. Cook was arrested when she returned home shortly after midnight. So this woman left her three kids home alone for over 11 hours, perhaps longer, to see a live taping of the the worst show on television.

Shouldn’t we be allowed to sterilize people for this? No jail time or probation. All you have to do is turn in your children and your testicles/ovaries, then you’re free to go. We could call it revoking your reproductive privileges.

It’s bad enough that people actually watch the Springer show, but to make it a bigger priority than the welfare of your children is really something someone should be shot for. So that’s another way we could go: Public shootings. I don’t mean like drive-bys and gang shootouts; I mean public shootings organized by the government, like Kent State and the Kennedy assassination. We would just take these pseudo-parents out into the courthouse parking lot and shoot them. Or, better yet, we could stab them so they have time to think about what they’ve done. And we could film it!

Now that would finally be a reality show worth tuning in for. “Watch an all-new episode of ‘Spear Mom and Dad’ right after ‘Joey’! Tonight on NBC.”

Hell, I’d leave my kids home alone to see that show live…

Tags: shannon cook, jerry springer, child abuse, jackass