Miss me?

I am finally back in town and all caught up with my work. I’m typing up about 12 posts I wrote while I was away and will be posting them over the next several days. Lotsa stuff on my Florida trip, March’s Search Madness, and a couple new Pick 7’s are all on the menu, so stay tuned.

I want to start by revisiting a post I made around the holidays about how kids make me sick. Now before all you soccers moms get bent outta shape, I don’t mean to say that I hate kids, as in “Tom Cruise makes me sick” or “People who drive for miles with their blinkers on really make me sick.” What I mean is that I’m apparently either allergic to children or the kids I spend time with are trying to secretly kill me with chemical weapons, kinda like Al Qaeda, only the kids wear diapers on their butts, not their heads.

A few days after arriving in Sunny Florida, I was struck down by my Sunny Niece who decided to give me a Sunny Intestinal Illness. I give the kids in my family a hard time about this kind of stuff, to the point that my sister and sister-in-law feel really bad about their diseased offspring wreaking havoc on my immune system. So this time, I really, really tried to blame my sickness on some other factor at hand to spare their feelings. I did this by accusing my mother of poisoning me with funky meatballs.

“Dude, you tried to spare your sister’s feelings by attacking your own mother? And her meatballs?”

Yes. Yes, I did.

“You’re kind of a dick.”

Yes. Yes, I am.

Now, when I announced the Funky Meatball Theory, you might be surprised to discover that my mother and father both dismissed it as absurd, then immediately accused the kid. That’s right, folks. Grandma and Grandpa stood there and called my niece a disease factory.

So I’m not the only insensitive prick in my family. Apparently, it’s genetic.

I recovered in a couple days, leaving me enough time to “enjoy” the rest of my stay in Florida, The Evil Snake State.

More on that next time…

Tags: sick kids, parenting, meatballs