The Consultation
A couple months ago, I decided to let a man I don’t know shoot laser beams at my eyeballs.
“What the hell for?” you might ask.
“So I can see without fugly glasses or contacts that make it feel like I just stuck anchovies in my eyes,” I might reply.
I got glasses in the fourth grade […]

So I’m back in Florida, enjoying all the benefits of 450% humidity. The air is so thick with water here that most of the locals have begun sprouting gills. Today I finally found the perfect way to avoid drowning in my own sweat in Florida and it’s my sincere pleasure to share it […]

I just spent the last two hours updating the tags on my mp3 collection and it occurred to me that I might wanna find more enjoyable ways to spend my time. Yet here I am on a Sunday, my first day off in two weeks, sitting on the couch with my laptop, halfheartedly picking […]