In our neverending quest to bring you the most up-to-date and honest information possible on the subject of Really Stupid People, it is our distinct pleasure to announce that we have ourselves a brand new JagAss.

LONDON (AFP) - A man was rushed to hospital in Britain with severe internal injuries after trying to launch a powerful firework from his bottom, an ambulance service spokesman said.

In other words, some guy stuck a fused explosive up his own ass and set it off.

It has been very difficult to find shining examples of people who are stupid on purpose, but sometimes one comes along tailor made for JagAssdom (JagAssosity? JagAssism?). It is a little known fact that the JagAss section of The JagPot has stringent rules and criterion for selection, not unlike the vetting process for a Supreme Court nominee. For instance, here is an excerpt from those selection guidelines: The reigning JagAss must possess an extreme level of intellectual ineptitude and idiotic behavior, and evidence must be publicly available and verifiable. But if a guy jams lit fireworks up his ass, let him right in.

It is also our mission to at least attempt to explain why the JagAss does what he or she does. To that end, the article goes on to say…

It is thought that the 22-year-old could have been trying to imitate a scene from “Jackass: The Movie”, a controversial film featuring a series of edgy pranks.

A little free advice for our readers: We understand that everyone wants their fifteen minutes of fame, so it makes sense that some of us would emulate the behavior of famous people. When doing so, however, it’s probably best that you choose someone who is not known as “Jackass,” especially if they are prone to placing explosives in their assholes. Or, to put it simply, avoid idolizing anyone who can be described in one sentence that includes both “Jackass” and “asshole.”

A spokesman for the North East ambulance service said: “We received a call stating there was a male who had a firework in his bottom and it was bleeding.”

This sounds a bit uncomfortable, which has us wondering, “What can we do to avoid a firework-related bleeding bottom?”

As it turns out, you only have to read the directions that accompany your fireworks purchases. Take, for example, this assorted package of fireworks, commonly sold by nearly all redneck-owned gas stations…

He is now recovering in a Sunderland hospital after sustaining internal injuries including a scorched colon.

Serves him right.

As an aside, does anyone else think that “Scorched Colon” would be an excellent name for a Mexican cookbook?

Tags: fireworks, jackass, fireworks injury