The Chronological History of a Wayward Blogger

1974 - Jags is born. Immediately critical of 70’s fashion.

1977 - Prior to the popularity of mandatory seatbelt laws, Jag’s first meaningful words are uttered when Mommy slammed on the brakes and sent Jags bouncing off the back of the front seat. First words? “Jesus Christ!” (True story.)

1986 - 7th grade. Jags first writes for comedic effect making daily journal entries in English class. When asked to read aloud, Jags often gets laughs, yelled at, or, on a good day, both.

1987 - 8th grade. Jags kisses Maggie Bronski at one of those school-sponsored events you only bother attending if there’s a reasonable chance that you might get to kiss Maggie Bronski. (Has nothing to do with writing. I just like to brag.)

1989 - 9th grade. Brief goth/slacker period. Drops satire for dark poetry, all of which is really bad. Parents call shrink.

1991 - 11th grade. Now armed with a drivers license, Jags pretty much stops going to school. Flunks English, lands in summer school. Strikes gold with satirical re-write of the Declaration of Independence, learns for the first time what it’s like to write for an audience and how to please the teacher and students with the same piece. Oh, also smoked a lot of pot.

1992 - Senior year. Inspired by the small summer fanfare, Jags joins the school paper and starts a humor column. Amazed all year at how hard everyone else was working while he was allowed to focus on writing libelous commentary on the football coach and how school lunches taste like gym socks. Also had an inspirational English teacher that let him write goofy stuff about incestuous Shakespeare characters. Because he graduated by the slimmest of margins, his high school diploma has an expiration date.

1993 - Jags spends approximately 14 minutes in college before realizing that he had no place among people who were serious about learning what a cosine is. Writes for an underground newspaper, The Baltimore Banner, with a circulation of about 9 weekly copies. Begins dating a girl who will, 4 years later, kick major holes in his life and take half his stuff. (Took my dog, too.)

1995 - Knowing that he has a strong talent for writing and experience in management, Jags naturally decides to go to work in the computer industry. Allows his talents to rot away in exchange for a series of big checks, and wouldn’t have it any other way. (This speaks volumes about the whore-like nature of my existence.)

1997 - It’s now 4 years later. Bitch!

1999 - Despite being loaded with anger and commitment issues, Jags rediscovers his love for writing and immediately sells it for another series of fat checks. Continues a series of failed relationships because he’s convinced that every woman is going to end up kicking him in the nuts and kidnapping his dog. (This is pretty much still true, only I don’t have a dog.)

2001 - By this time, Jags has amassed a large volume of written material that’s never seen the light of day, save for a few pieces of fiction that garnered a few community awards on the Internet. His entire collection is lost, however, in the Hard Drive Catastrophe of 2001. That’s right, folks. Jagre, professional network architect, got nailed for not having a backup. Co-workers are still giggling.

2005 - In the intervening years, Jags got away from writing for the most part. The closest he came was making speeches at a series of weddings for family and friends. Didn’t exactly rock the mike, but got lotsa laughs, mostly because he was shithammered each time. (Open bars will do that to a guy.) Back to network contracting in late 2001 and now also helping out as much as possible with his brother’s affiliate business because he apparently has a serious aversion to sleep. Started The Jagwire (now closed) on BlogSpot in January. Due to its popularity and his increased interest, launched The Jagpot in November with every intention of taking over the world, or at least typing the word “boobs” as many times as possible.

Today - Didn’t really do much today. Thanks for asking, though.